Wax Museum – a 5 Minute Play

Wax Museum by Michael Gilboe

Wax Museum No Shame

From the Roanoke No Shame performance, (L to R) Caitlyn McCommis, Megan Gogerty, Lydia Stewart & Shane Strawbridge.

4W2M - A tour guide leads a guest through a fake wax museum, skewering celebrity, idol worship and actors... all in five minutes.

DOWNLOAD PDF – Wax Museum

Please feel free to use this piece, royalty free, if you are presenting it for non-commercial purposes. (If you aren’t making money with it, I am okay with not making money on it.) But please let me know you are doing it! Send pictures if you can. Have fun.

Script – Wax Museum by Michael Gilboe (copyright 2014)

A LOW RENT WAX MUSEUM
As lights come up, ELVIS PRESLEY, JAMES DEAN and MARILYN MONROE are frozen. Elvis holds a guitar. They look nothing like the celebrities they are named for. DEENA also is frozen still, although not in an interesting pose. DINAH sweeps into the room, followed by MRS. KRALL.
DINAH
(loudly)
And here in this room is the first of our exciting new collection! We have spared no expense at Madame Rouge’s Wax Museum to bring you the most realistic experience possible!
MRS. KRALL
Why are you shouting so loudly? There’s no one else in the tour group besides me.
DINAH
Please keep your questions until the end of the tour. When I say it is time for questions, you can raise your hands, and I will answer as many as time will allow!
MRS. KRALL
But I’m the only…
DINAH
First, we have the legendary film star, Marilyn Monroe.
MRS. KRALL
This doesn’t look at all like Marilyn Monroe.
DINAH
She was famous for movies such as Some Like it Hot and 7 Year Itch.
MRS. KRALL
They do seem incredibly real, though.
DINAH
Here we Have Elvis Presley. The King.
MRS. KRALL
Fat Elvis or Thin Elvis?
DINAH
Graceland may be his home, but we have him forever at Madame Rouge’s.
MRS. KRALL
This doesn’t look like Fat Elvis or Thin Elvis.
DINAH
And here, James Dean. A Rebel Without a Cause, A Giant, East of Eden…
MRS. KRALL
(Inspecting James Dean closely)
Oh, Come on, this is just getting ridiculous.
JAMES DEAN
(Without moving)
Boo!
MRS. KRALL
Aaaah! What the hell?
DINAH
As we move into the next room…
MRS. KRALL
We’re not going into the next room.
DINAH
As we move into the next room…
MRS. KRALL
Stop acting like a broken record and act human. I want to know what is going on here!
Elvis drops his pose and starts strumming his guitar lightly. The others also drop their poses. Deena remains still.
JAMES DEAN
Just give it up Dinah.
MARILYN MONROE
I told you no one would go for it.
MRS. KRALL
Go for what? What is going on here?
DINAH
We couldn’t afford real wax statues.
MRS. KRALL
Well, clearly.
DINAH
Do you know how expensive those are?
MRS. KRALL
I’ve heard. That was why I was willing to pay to see them.
DINAH
But here’s the thing… do you know how incredibly cheap ARTISTS are?
MRS. KRALL
A dime a dozen, really.
DINAH
So I just asked some artist friends to, uh, be the statues. All I had to do was offer them food.
MARILYN MONROE
Speaking of which, is it about lunchtime?
DINAH
No… not yet. Business isn’t so great. Maybe I’ll feed you tomorrow.
JAMES DEAN
Oh. Okay.
DINAH
You can get an artist to do anything if you say you’ll feed them. And get this, then you don’t even have to do that!
(pause)
Back to work everyone!
Everyone takes their pose again, Elvis keeps playing the guitar.
DINAH (CONT’D)
I guess the music makes for a nice ambience.
MRS. KRALL
You didn’t think that costumes or makeup would be a good idea?
DINAH
I haven’t been able to get any volunteer help from the designers yet. But actors.. I mean, I bet they are so desperate to do something, that they’d even be willing to like, go on stage and read something they didn’t even have a chance to prepare if it would get them in front of an audience.
MRS. KRALL
Do you people have No Shame?
DINAH
Exactly.
MRS. KRALL
(pointing to Deena)
Who is she supposed to be.
DINAH
She’s not supposed to be anyone. She’s a stagehand.
MRS. KRALL
So what’s she doing?
DINAH
She freezes up in front of an audience.
MRS. KRALL
I’m not an audience. I’m one person.
DINAH
Even so.
MRS. KRALL
Well, I assume you will be giving me a refund?
DINAH
Why would I do that?
MRS. KRALL
This exhibit is clearly not what you promised.
DINAH
Read the card closer.
MRS. KRALL
“Celebrity wax statues may not look exactly  like their celebrities”… But that doesn’t mean…
DINAH
Now down there. In the right hand corner… really small.
MRS. KRALL
“Or even be made of wax”… This is clearly ridiculous.
DINAH
But legally rock solid.
MRS. KRALL
I will call the better business bureau about this!
DINAH
Over five bucks? You are something else lady.
MRS KRALL
All I wanted was to see Enrique Iglesius up close… and personal, and in mood lighting…
DINAH
Would you like us to leave you alone?
Mrs. Krall storm out in a huff. Dinah looks at the five bucks in her hand, then looks at the statues.
MRS KRALL
Hey, we can all split a foot long sandwich from Subway!
EVERYONE
Hooray!
BLACKOUT

Comment With your facebook ID.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.

*